Why Complimenting Someone’s “Glow Up” Might Actually Be Body-Shaming in Disguise

When photos of Adriana Lima started circulating recently, the internet collectively lost its mind. “She’s glowing!” people exclaimed. “What a glow up!” others cheered. At first glance, these comments seem supportive, even celebratory. But here’s what we need to talk about: when we praise someone’s current appearance, we’re simultaneously criticizing how they looked before. And honestly? That’s not the compliment we think it is.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, especially as someone who writes about beauty for a living. We’ve congratulated ourselves as a society for moving past the brutal celebrity body-shaming of the early 2000s—remember those tabloid “worst beach body” spreads? We thought we’d evolved. But have we actually changed our behavior, or have we just gotten better at packaging our judgment in prettier wrapping paper?

The truth is, “glow up” culture is body-shaming’s sophisticated cousin. It shows up to the party in nicer clothes and uses gentler language, but underneath? It’s the same old nonsense about women’s worth being tied to their appearance.

The Hidden Cruelty of Before-and-After Culture

Let me be clear about something: there’s nothing inherently wrong with taking care of your skin or updating your look. I literally write about hyaluronic acid serums and vitamin C treatments for a living, and I genuinely believe in the power of a good skincare routine. The problem isn’t self-improvement—it’s the implication that we needed improving in the first place.

When we celebrate someone’s “glow up,” we’re creating a before-and-after narrative that suggests their previous self was somehow lacking. Think about it: you can’t have a glow up without first having been… what? Dim? Dull? Not enough?

This is especially troubling when we’re talking about someone like Adriana Lima, who has been in the public eye for decades. She’s been photographed at every angle, in every lighting condition, during different life stages, hormonal fluctuations, and stress levels. Comparing a paparazzi shot from Tuesday afternoon to a professional photo from a red carpet event isn’t just unfair—it’s fundamentally flawed.

The skincare industry loves to feed into this narrative. We’re constantly bombarded with transformation stories and dramatic before-and-after photos. And while there’s value in showing what products can genuinely do (like how a quality retinol cream can improve texture over time), we’ve created an expectation that everyone should be constantly optimizing their appearance.

What We’re Really Saying When We Comment on Appearance

Here’s an uncomfortable truth: every time we comment on someone looking “so much better now,” we’re telling them we noticed and judged their appearance before. We’re admitting we were keeping score all along.

I see this play out constantly in beauty communities online. Someone posts a selfie, and the comments flood in: “You’re glowing!” “Best you’ve ever looked!” “Whatever you’re doing, keep doing it!” These seem supportive until you flip the script and imagine what they imply about previous photos.

This creates an exhausting cycle where women feel pressure to maintain that “glowed up” appearance. Because if you can glow up, you can also… glow down? The anxiety this generates is real and damaging. I’ve watched friends become obsessed with maintaining a certain look after receiving compliments, terrified of posting a makeup-free photo or appearing anything less than their “best.”

The impact on mental health is significant. When our self-worth becomes tied to external validation about our appearance—even positive validation—we’re building our confidence on shaky ground. What happens on days when you’re exhausted, or stressed, or just human?

The Double Standard Nobody Wants to Address

Let’s talk about something that makes me genuinely angry: we don’t talk about men having “glow ups” nearly as often as we discuss women’s appearances. Male celebrities can show up looking however they want, and while they’re not entirely exempt from appearance commentary, the scrutiny doesn’t compare.

Women, though? We’re expected to look perpetually youthful, rested, and “glowing”—but also naturally so. We’re supposed to age gracefully (whatever that means) while somehow not actually aging. We should take care of ourselves but not try too hard. The goal posts constantly move, and the rules are deliberately unclear.

This fall, I’ve noticed a particular uptick in social media posts analyzing celebrity faces, speculating about procedures, and debating whether someone looks “better” or “worse” than before. It’s dressed up as concern or curiosity, but let’s call it what it is: judgment.

The beauty industry profits enormously from keeping us insecure. Every time we look at a celebrity transformation and wonder what they did differently, we’re more likely to purchase that niacinamide toner or book that facial treatment. I’m not saying we shouldn’t enjoy skincare—I genuinely love my evening routine—but we need to be aware of the psychological manipulation at play.

How to Appreciate Beauty Without Creating Hierarchy

So what’s the alternative? How do we celebrate beauty without implicitly criticizing anything that doesn’t meet our standards?

First, we can stop making comparisons. Period. Instead of “You look so much better now,” try “You look radiant.” Instead of “Best you’ve ever looked,” try “You’re glowing.” Remove the comparative element entirely.

Second, we can diversify what we celebrate. Comment on someone’s energy, their smile, their creativity, their accomplishments. When we only focus on physical appearance, we reinforce the idea that a woman’s primary value lies in how she looks.

Third, we can examine our own relationship with appearance. Why do you feel compelled to comment on how someone looks? What need does that fulfill for you? Sometimes the kindest thing we can do is simply keep our observations to ourselves.

I’ve been trying to implement this in my own life, both online and off. When I want to compliment someone, I pause and think: am I celebrating them, or am I subtly reinforcing beauty standards? Would this comment make them feel genuinely good, or would it add pressure?

This doesn’t mean we can’t discuss beauty at all. I’m not about to stop recommending my favorite gentle cleansers or talking about skincare ingredients. But there’s a difference between sharing what works for you and suggesting everyone needs to optimize their appearance.

Building a Healthier Relationship With Your Own Appearance

Here’s what I want you to take away from this: you don’t need a glow up. You’re not a project that needs completion or a work-in-progress waiting for the “after” photo.

If you enjoy skincare, great! Take care of your skin because it feels good, not because you’re trying to fix something fundamentally wrong with you. Use that peptide moisturizer because you love how it makes your skin feel, not because you’re chasing someone else’s idea of what you should look like.

Your worth isn’t determined by your skin texture, your body shape, or whether you’re having a “good face day.” You’re valuable exactly as you are—tired eyes, hormonal breakouts, frizzy hair, and all.

The beauty industry wants us to believe we’re always one product away from finally being enough. But the secret they don’t want you to know is that you already are enough. The goal isn’t transformation; it’s acceptance.

This means some days you’ll do an elaborate skincare routine with multiple steps because you enjoy the ritual. Other days you’ll fall into bed with your makeup on (we’ve all been there). Both versions of you deserve kindness and respect.

What You Can Do Today

Start by changing how you talk to yourself. Notice when you’re using “before and after” language about your own appearance. Catch yourself when you’re comparing your current self to an older photo, and question whether that comparison serves you.

Next, audit your social media feeds. If accounts make you feel like you need to change your appearance, unfollow them. Fill your feed with people who look like you, who celebrate bodies in all their variations, who post real, unfiltered photos alongside the glam shots.

Finally, practice giving compliments that don’t focus on appearance. Tell your friend you admire their resilience. Thank your coworker for their thoughtful feedback. Celebrate the things that actually matter.

The next time you see a celebrity “transformation” or feel tempted to comment on someone’s glow up, pause. Ask yourself what you’re really saying. And consider whether staying silent might actually be the kindest option.

We can appreciate beauty without ranking it. We can take care of ourselves without believing we needed fixing. And we can support other women without turning their appearance into a spectator sport.

Ready to shift your perspective? Start by going one full week without commenting on anyone’s appearance—including your own. Notice what happens when you focus on substance instead of surface. Journal about it, talk to friends about it, and see how it feels to opt out of appearance culture, even temporarily. Your relationship with beauty might never be the same—and that’s exactly the point.